


Lost Prayers

by Dragonwithatale



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, I gave myself feels..., I swear no one dies, Written for a Challenge, mention of suicide plan, my headcanon for between seasons 7 and 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 12:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9180634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragonwithatale/pseuds/Dragonwithatale
Summary: What happened between seasons 7 and 8, as seen through Sam's prayers





	

Cas? Cas, where are you guys? It’s been a day since you guys got blasted, and I’m… I’m worried, Cas. I know you weren’t exactly feeling the best when we went in there, but… just hurry back, okay? Both of you.

I tried the map spell today. I burned through a lot of paper trying to find you two. I thought I might be doing it wrong, but I can find everyone else I’ve tried. Cas, where are you guys? Just… just don’t be dead.

Cas I know you can hear me. Is Dean okay? I’ve lost count of how many psychics I’ve tried to call, none of them will answer me. I guess having your face plastered all over the news as a serial killer doesn’t do much for your reputation, even among hunters. I tried to use the stupid ouija board like Bela did, but I seem to have pissed off most of the ghosts in the country. And I tried Crowley too, but the bastard won’t answer. No matter what I offer. Don’t tell Dean that, Cas. I’m running out of ideas here.

So I found all the lore I could on Purgatory. I figured, if you guys aren’t in Heaven or Hell, then maybe you got pulled through with Dick. But I can’t open the door from this side. No angel blood, and I don’t have a damn clue how the dragons got Eve through. But get this, there’s supposed to be a way out for innocent souls, a portal. All I’ve got are vague references, but maybe you guys can find it and get out. Cas?

It’s been three months Cas. I don’t… I don’t know how much longer I can keep waiting. I can’t keep hoping like this, you know? I can’t keep turning around and expecting to hear Dean calling for me.

I know Dean and I promised not to bring each other back, and I know that it wasn’t a promise either of us meant to keep, but I’ve tried everything. I have tried everything I can think of to bring you guys back. I need a sign here, Cas.

You’re dead, aren’t you. Both of you. I’ve just been talking to the empty air. It figures, doesn’t it? Why would the one piece of faith I had left still amount to anything? Why would any of us catch a break. I guess we got the monster, right? That’s supposed to be what counts. Yeah…

Fuck you Cas, fuck both of you. You’re dead and I’m alone and fuck you, Dean. I even got your favorite damn whiskey and you can’t even show up to your own damn seance. Fuck both of you.

I miss Dean. God, I miss both of you; I feel like I can’t breathe, like there’s this damn weight sitting on my chest. I need my brother back. I let both of you down, there has to be something I missed that could have kept you two alive. Tell Dean I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

I found some old maps today, crammed under the weapons in the trunk. Dean wrote all over them. There are a bunch of notes scribbled over Texas; places we’ve been, places Dean wanted to visit. I think… I think I’m just going to drive down there. Just drive, and then… when I stop, I’m done. Texas is as good a place as any. I just can’t anymore, Cas. I’ll see you guys soon.

I hit a dog yesterday. It’s stupid, but I can’t just walk away. So many other things I failed at, at least I can take care of a damn dog, right? Tell Dean… tell Dean I’ll be a little while longer.

I keep running into the vet. Her name’s Amelia. I think you’d like her, Cas. She’s not exactly Dean’s type, but she’s nice. I feel like a piece of shit for just dropping into her life like this, but I think she needs someone to care for too. She looks so sad sometimes. I think I can help her, Cas. And maybe… maybe she can help me too.

We spent all night out watching the stars, like Dean and I used to. It’s not the same, but you know what, Cas? I think it’s enough, for now. And if it turns out that it isn’t, it’s not like I need a map to find you guys. Tell Dean I love him.


End file.
